The announcer, playing the part of the chancellor, introduced the Andalusian horses with flowery language (“He’s a magnificent stallion, but beneath the surface lies a gentle spirit”). The first course was Dragon Blood, which was actually tomato bisque. We were herded into the green seats with dinner settings that included napkins containing the menu and information about how we could share our experience on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. The color of our crowns determined where we would sit in the arena. Clay’s girlfriend, Kendra, bought my mother an LED sword (or maybe it was a wand) and it made my homeopathic-fueled mom feel she could still lead the charge as the family matriarch. Oddly, she didn’t look as regal as the straggler, who like my son, wore dark glasses to prove he was in show biz.Īfter photos were taken, we were led into a souvenir room featuring everything from mugs to suits of armor. She was the Princess Catalina over whom the knights would soon do battle. The actual photographer posed my family (plus a straggler from my son’s animation studio who replaced my indisposed younger son) with a young woman wearing a tiara.
I noticed a guy in a robe with a different kind of crown, so I asked, “Who are you?” With a tone that reminded me of the Lone Ranger, he replied, “I’m the king.” So I guessed he wasn’t going to take our picture.
I could get behind the idea of yelling “Go green!” We were given green paper crowns and told we were part of the Green Team, which I thought that was pretty cool. Upon entry, we found ourselves transported to an 11th century photo op. So we drove to Buena Park and successfully made it past the Pirate’s Dinner Adventure by turning left into the giant toy castle that is Medieval Times. It was kind of the “Godfather” theory of the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Clay thought, if we could assemble our family and get everyone to cheer common rivals, we could have a special birthday party. But, as my sister also said, some of us have had “our ups-and-downs” and some of those “downs” have been comparable to the War of the Roses. As my sister said at my mother’s 90th birthday party just last weekend, we grew up gathering at least once a month with my grandparents, aunts, cousins, cousins-in-laws and occasional stragglers in the neighborhood. My extended family is extremely close when it comes to getting together for birthdays and major holidays.
But he had another motivation that was absolutely Machiavellian. I took my family there recently for my elder son, Clay’s birthday because he’s a big “Game of Thrones” fan and, well, I think he was looking forward to the opportunity to drink beer out of a medieval stein. You want to head into the 11th century at Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament for a summer adventure that is part “Game of Thrones,” part Olympics spectacle and part company store. Make a wrong turn on Beach and you could enter the early 20th century at Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition and Dinner Gala, the 19th century at the Knott’s Berry Farm’s Old West Ghost Town, the 18th century at the Pirate’s Dinner Adventure or even the age of dinosaurs at the Clark’s Interpretive Center and Paleontology Museum. or you could wind up in the wrong century. Get off Highway 91 in Buena Park and make sure your GPS guides you to 7662 Beach Blvd. You get there by driving through a vortex as surreal as any extraterrestrial contact in the desert.
Roughly 100 miles west of Palm Springs lies a land roughly 1000 years away.
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